What's wining attitude?

What's wining attitude?
2 ants saw an elephant coming.
Ant 1: We will kill him
Ant 2: We will break his legs.
Ant 3: Forgive him guys,
he is alone and we are 3

Paddy and his two good friends

Paddy and his two good friends were sitting at a bar, talking about their wives.
"I think my wife is having an affait with the electricain,"his first friend said, taking a swing of his beer.

Hoe's that? his other friend asked.
"Well. the other day I came home and...

Teacher v/s Suleman

Teacher: What is your date of birth?
Suleman: October 13th
Teacher: It is every year!!

Don't Worry

I don't have to worry about getting kidnapped.
They would bring me back in less than an hour!!

Don't cry because it's over

Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because that asshole is finally someone else's problem!

Read a medication

Just once I would like to read a medication label that says:
WARNING' permanent weight loss,
remove wrinkles and increase energy."

Roses are red

Roses are red,
Violets are blue a face like yours belongs in a zoo.

Don't you worry
I'll be there too,

Not in the cage
But laughing at you!

Teacher v/s Student

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses.
Now, if I say "I am beautiful,"
which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Husband and Wife

A Husband & Wife were arguing over some issue.
After much of discussion,
Wife finally said: Do you want to win
or
Do you want to be happy..?

Argument Ended

An Old man had 8 hair on his head.

An Old man had 8 hair on his head.
He want to a Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked.

Shall I cut or count?
Old man smiled and said:
"
Color it!"

Life is to enjoy with whatever
you have with you.

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird.

He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

I managed to lose my rifle

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.

I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Sleep with an open window tonight

Sleep with an open window tonight!

1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this.

One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.

How was school today

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"

A man asks a farmer

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see,
I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” 

Man to his pries

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”
The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”